www.CostaRicaTicas.com

I read piece in a local paper about a woman who was complaining about her much-older boyfriend. Apparently he would say he was coming, wouldn't show, call from another state, say he was closing things out with his ex - you get the idea - and she thought he was also seeing another girl. She said by his age, she thought he would finally be "serious." The colomn advisor told her not to talk to or email him any longer, and that much-older men with younger women are a lot of things, but "serious" was rarely one of them.

He went on to describe this early 50's dude as perhaps one who enjoys "emotional entanglements." That got me thinking. If you lead multiple young girls to believe there could be more "down the road" with you, there are issues associated with that. Motivation for such "leading on" may be innocent enough, like you want to "hedge your bets" until you find that special "catch", but you can leave a trail of carnage, too. If "hit and runs" get old, what's the alternative? You may want to enjoy developing something a little deeper, but is it unfair if you're "developing" with different girls simultaneously? That used to be referred to as "playboy" behavior.

Of course, whether the girl is "working" is a big factor. If she is, she could really believe she's going to quit soon if the right "offer" comes her way (like you), but meanwhile she's still "boffing" dudes every night. I had one tell me it was "different" with me, that she didn't kiss others, covered bj's, etc. I said,

"Ya know darling, guys have been telling their wives it's 'different with them', since time began, but for some reason, wives don't buy it."

"Oh, but it's just for the money".

"I see, but you're still boffing them, and probably getting off, too."

With non-pro's, it's more problematic. They may really believe you're going to save them and you may really be "in love", but after all, you're single and can only see her periodically. What about the other destinations? And what about multiple "girl friends" at the same location, not to mention the mongering? I'll tell you what happens; they eventually figure out you're not going to ask them to marry and they get irritated. One told me she just wanted to be friends, another that she had a new boyfriend, and why was I writing her, "stirring things up again?"

Emotional entanglements. I admit, sex is superior with a gf in the beginning, and not just because of the reduced cost. It also gives a non-pro "permission" to phuck your brains out, because, after all, you're her novio. But how disingenuous is it to lead her to believe you might take her away from her misery, when you know it's possible, but unlikely? And what if you really like or love different girls for different reasons? I had one amiga tell me,

"Fine. Then you should date one at a time, not let 4 think they're the only one."

I don't repeat with a girl unless I think she's special, so by definition, I really like a girl I continue to call. I'm supposed to cut all contact with her, because I happen to have another girl that I like for different reasons? I'm not married, so if I want something more substantial than "hit and run's", am I obliged to limit it to just one girl, so as not to be misleading? And what if "emotional entaglements" is your sport? Is that as bad as pushing drugs or kiddie porn?

Women tend to only be able to love one man at a time, but I don't think that's true for men. Do you?

_________________
"Don't never trust a woman, till she's dead and deep....One day she'll say she loves you, next day she'll throw you on the street."

"...and if men didn't have this unquenchable desire to have sex with women, then they wouldn't have anything to do with women at all. I certainly wouldn't..."

What a great post.

My answer to that question is No. I truly believe we are able to love more than one woman in our lives and at the same time. I am not talking for anyone here or genearlizing. Thats just MHO.

I can say that at some stage of my life I have loved two females at the same time. No confusion, no regrets, I just wanted to be with the two of them.

What do others think?

NO!! I'm in the same boat, this game can get pretty complicated. I've developed a lot of good relationships with several girl after only two trips to CR. On my last trip a girl, Jmaluca introduced me to, seemed to get hung up on me, she was persistent in wanting to meet me. After getting to know each other a bit we exchanged contact info, the next morning she called me at my hotel to tell me she had already sent me an email. We talked on the phone for a couple of hours, everything was cool with this chica, that is until she saw me with my novia all dressed up after dinner, I did not see her because I was into my novia. My wingman saw her and was freaked out that she sat down on the street and started crying. Like I said, I walked past her because I never saw her standing there. Anyways, I really liked this girl, and when I called her the next day she was really cold, don't know if she knew that I was aware of her reactions, but she said she does not want me a boyfriend, only friend, if that's what I want.
She was a sweet girl and I felt bad about it. But what are you to do? I love my novia and don't want to lead her on... because she is looking for something long term. What am I to do? I don't want to hurt anyone because I know how that feels. But I want to meet more chicas, life's too short... it's complicated I guess.

A lot of CRT bro's say that these chicas are all sharks, but I met a lot that would love to get out of the game if the right person came along. Everyone's looking for love, the chicas included. I asked a chica I met on my first trip where her friend was and she said she met some gringo who is going to take care of her so she doesn't have to work again. The chica in question is very frickin' cute! The chica I spoke to said, "if only she could be so lucky, why can't I find me a gringo to take me away from all this?"

I've been single all my life, I'm 36 with no bebes and playing in CR can get pretty complicated. I don't know if it's the chicas attitudes, but they sure are a lot different than the gringas I'm used to in the states. They're very loving and enjoy being women, and know how to make a man happy. I've never been into the "sport of p4p" this is all new to me. I've never had problems scoring with the gringas, most of my gringa friends call me a slut, and for some reason or another always want to hook me up with their friends. Anyways, the two trips I've made to CR has me really thinking about findinig a chica to settle down with.... they cook, clean, act like women should, treat men right, don't ask too many questions, are passionate in the bedroom, and talk about sex very openly. I've experienced a whole new world of chicas and it feels great... but my problem is that I don't know what I want... settle down... or keep working the DL. Which is something I don't think I could keep up. Sure it's a life experience but I don't think I'm a true mongerer. If you know what I'm mean. Like I said it's complicated. I need help.

You do not need help Traylor. You need the right Tica or Colombiana to rock your world!!!

Membership:

Just as it is wrong for a girl to play you till she empties your wallet it is wrong to offer her something you're not going to give. As a group we say we go there to enjoy what the ladies have to offer in exchange for a reasonable price. But way too many of us go there looking for love and acceptance and let ourselves believe that we have found it. The vast majority of these girls are just playing a game but there are a few like some of us that are really looking for a way out of the life they are living. They want out of their poverty and you want out of your loneliness. With ingredients like that in the mix there's going to be some genuine heartbreak. The only way to fix your problem is to make some hard decisions why you're going there. And why you're there have some respect for what may be a genuine quest for long-term happiness and security.

Once again I think God for making me an old man for I know better.

Lee

_________________
PS: DO NOT SEND MONEY!

Lee - Only governments and a few screwballs intentionally hurt people. Usually there are conflicting needs at play, both within the individual, as well as between people of the opposite sex.

A 20-y.o. girl who "works" minimally has been coming to my house on and off and what she's gotten out of it is a taste of stability, because I won't pay her. I cook, give her pep talks to finish school, point out her talents - all of which I'm happy to do because she's at a point in her life where she could go either way, if you follow. She also happens to be caught up big-time in the Miami club scene and hangs with some questionable characters. The other night she called and said she really wanted to come over, as though she once again was disillusioned by the nightlife scene here. She said she'd be here in a half-hour. As in the past, I prepared something for her because her eating habits are atrocious. Long story short; she pulled a no-show. She found a better offer, I'm sure, but never bothered to call. Now she'll be all "sheepish" and shit.

Conflicting interests. I have a platonic amiga in Rio who likes to say, "Women suck, but so do men." Amen. I also have a monger buddy who, when I talk about the heart vs. the dick in the monger game, tells me, "Just do what makes you happy." Oh really? That easy?

You mention chica's need to escape their poverty and our need to escape loneliness. Perhaps that oversimplifies, but it's poignant. But if those were the only considerations, life would be easy for both, but they're not. She has many reasons to stay "stuck" in her scene, not the least of which is her family, and we have the eternal quest to spread seed, and always be looking around the next corner for genetic perfection. I actually envy many on this board who seem to completely detach themselves emotionally, even when a hot chica loves to get naked with them, her idea, her time, her nickel. I don't know if it's a pathological defect on their part, or stoicism, but I for one don't have that talent. I wish I did.

I've read men continually seek women's approval and women continually seek genuine (vs. sexual) interest from a man. Males strutting their stuff and female's close scrutiny isn't unique to Homosapians, nor is the concept of males wanting a harem. Mother nature could give a rat's ass about your feelings, or hers. As long as the best sperm meets up with the best egg, we got a winner.

The issue of "leading girls on" for the purpose of experiencing a real gf vs. a gfe is not a black/white issue. Eventually the male may find a more "suitable" match as a result of his questionable behavior, from the standpoint of evolution. I don't justify flagrant deception, but sometimes it's damn hard to put all your "marbles" in one basket, particularly if single. And without demonstrating genuine concern for the chica, you won't get to first base, so how will you know if she's the one? It's like trying gloves on.

The problem is there are many goddam gloves.

_________________
"Don't never trust a woman, till she's dead and deep....One day she'll say she loves you, next day she'll throw you on the street."

"...and if men didn't have this unquenchable desire to have sex with women, then they wouldn't have anything to do with women at all. I certainly wouldn't..."

Jazz Musiican, great post. It's a jungle out there. I too don't have the talent to put emotions aside, I'm not saying I'm the type of guy who falls for the chicas just because they're beautiful and treat me great, shit I've been single for 36 years never been able to find the right one, if there's such a thing, but something about the CR women gets under my skin and I want to marry several of them, in not all the young spinners who still can go either way.

There's a couple of chicas who are mad at me because I didn't spend enough time with them on my last trip. I found it very difficult to make and keep plans while in CR. I just go with the flow... and will no longer make plans upon my arrival in CR becuase they never seem to work out, people get hurt and you never know what's around the corner.

Love those kittens.

Really are we leading them on our just being our nice little self? I am not going to act mean so some woman gets some kind of cold message to protect her interests?

Life is the way it is & there is no good answer but I for one have to live with myself so I will be nice & if she is an interesting women I will show a lot of interest but will be honest with her & not lie about the way I am if she asks. I will not directly lead them on but many people just lead themselves on. No guarantees in this life as we all play our cards in La Vida Loca the best we can & I do my best to try to not hurt the other players but many do not think this is good enough when you can not fix their life the way they want you to!

Jazz you make many good points. First off I will be with a woman, over 18 which means she's an adult. Maybe not mature but an adult. I feel that you have to be honest. Period. I think the problems arisse because our feelings change and our desire changes. We want to Phuck, Then what ? You see, then what do you want? Today,tommorw, next week? We change. ? What we want changes. How about them? Do they allways want the samething? Of course not. So to me it becomes ethics. This is what I want now. I don't know the future. I will allways do my best to tell you the truth as I understand it. Treat them the way you want to be treated. I feel if you follow that rule you will allways respect yourself.

Some great posts guys. I have been coming to CR for about a year and half and have experienced some of these same scenarios as you guys are describing. I think we all come to CR for many different reasons. Some good some bad. I try to treat the woman with the same respect that they extend to me.
Even if you find the right one it is tough to really contemplate how you can really make a long distance relationship work. It's not impossible, but watch your heart. There are many gems among the rough you just have the spend the time to look. Tux

Part of the magic of loving, mongering, coming to CR or other places in pursuit of lust, love and/or romance is...there is no exact "science" in this. Emotions are emotions, phucking is phucking, men are men, women are women. Yet...in the midst of all those basics, the dynamic can change from day to day...even with the same person. When you are phucking, how do you know the girl is connected with YOU? Maybe she is fantasizing about someone else. Maybe between the conscious and sub-conscious there are two different agendas going on...at the same time. In my case, I've loved girls who I didnt enjoy phucking, and I've phucked girls I didnt love. This gets complicated, huh?

Women, and some men, are constantly trying to find the ONE that meets all their needs in ALL categories. The older I get the more convinced I become that there is no PERFECT partner to wait for. I have been 'In love" many times. I used to become easily infatuated. Now that I am older, I actually tend to watch someone for a while before making any kind of move relationally. In my current 3 year relationship, I observed her for a week IN my house before deciding and making a move. Imagine the patience it takes to wait a week before moving on a beautiful sweet Colombiana living in your house! BUT...waiting can be a very good thing...and in this case made the initial passion much stronger by knowing her a bit better. I personally have not found quick trists in P4P to be that sexually rewarding. Usually it is more about temporary pleasure of a massage or initial flirtation than a sense that I was really sexually connected with a worker. Strip clubs and massage parlors are mostly about fantasy. My best sexual experiences and passion have been based on relationships, not sportsfucking.

For me the moral of the story is...appreciate the adventure, dont try to figure it out too hard, and there is no reason to feel guilty about selfish pleasure...even in a REAL GF situation.

Jazzman, your posts are, IMHO, always insightful and thought provoking. Other posts here have also added much.

As a man in his early 50's, perhaps motivations and perspectives change over time. Some with subtlety and some not. Everyone is different, but for me, as I have gotten older and more experienced, I have been more prone to consider the implications of my actions and how this affects others. Maybe my development just occurred later than others because of my self-centeredness and ego.

A "relationship" I had with a colombiana on the program was recently ended, and the entire time I kept reminding myself that she was really looking for security and a better life. Ultimately, she became frustrated with me because I would not contribute sufficiently to her financial needs (somewhat large sums) and I became frustrated with her because she did not understand I would not do this as long as she was on the program.
Cultural and intellectual (education) differences were also a definite factor in all of this. Through it all I never lost sight of her need for security and a better life. And still, it ended with bittersweetness on each end. Did I short-change her? I don't think so.

Possibly we both wanted the same ultimate goal (relationship), but our expectations of how to get there were different. Also perhaps the time line in which things might occur. In the game of life and the game of love, if your actions are adult-to-adult and everyone is as informed as possible, people understand the risks and accept the consequences of their actions.

Just MHO.

sailor

_________________
If Its Wet And Moving Underneath Me, I'm Having Fun
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"Two things are wanted by a true man, danger and play -- therefore, he seeks a woman as the most dangerous toy." Friedrich Nietzsche

I've gotten burned by girls - working girls and civilians - who said one thing and did another. (Duh...who hasn't?) But since I do monger occasionally, the percentage of working girls I'm in contact with has gone up, even at home. Making promises I can't keep is not something I'm proud of, but it happens in the heat of the moment. So it goes with girls, I'm sure.

In recent discussions with my translator/amiga in Copa, I've come down a little on working girls, saying I don't want to get hurt (again), and that they're often disingenuous. My entanglements in Costa Rica, Colombia and Rio are reaching "critical mass", I suppose. A lot of this exercise is to get a rise out of my 23 y.o. friend, so to that end, I sent her a piece by a German fellow, and asked for her response.

In the interest of science, I always try to research out different views in the battle of the sexes, and below are two opposing views. The first is a German fellow (from another board) with considerable experience in Brazil. The second response is from my garota friend in Rio, with whom I've developed a friendship. She also knows of all my neurosis, since she translates a good deal of my "southern-bound" correspondence.



Hi fellows!

Please excuse my bad english, I try my best. I`m a german guy, who travelled to Brasil for about 10 years, my next trip starting now.
Well - after testing out a lot of other countries & beauties I can only say: forget about them, Brasil is absolutely the best. Without any doubt. These girls are unbeatable. They give you the best sex worldwide, a lot of them look great and... and over all - most of them are really very charming and make you forget totally that you pay for them. So this is exactly your country and Rio is exactly your battle-field, if you don`t forget some rules:

A lot of them are so sweet & pretty & sensual they even make you forget you should never fall in love with a hooker and the big danger is, that you could easily find yourself in a relationship. If you don`t wake up in time coming back to your country you see yourself doing very stupid things like going in a travel-agency buying a ticket for her to come over.

Hey, folks, call me an idiot, but I did it. Even if it became very stressy (nearly always, when they finally feel shure), it was the hottest half year of my life. But could not do it any more... and you shouldn´t even try it out.

Just let them, where they are. One of the reason is, that they are the sweetest actresses of the world. May be they write romantic E-mails not only to you, but to 3, 4 other guys, who could finally really invite them.

If you don`t pay cash for her any more after 2-3 hot meetings in Rio it means, she somehow likes you, but it doesn`t mean you don`t pay any more. It just means, that now her mother is going to be sick, or her sister and they need help or whatever... I mean, they really need the cash and it´s more charming to do it this way - but never forget: You will pay. Especially, if she comes to your country. Than her whole family waits for money and you bet she will get it out of your hands - even if you swore not to do nothing for anybody except herself. In case you are so crazy to marry one of them, keep in mind, that they are wild animals in divorce-affairs (This I never did, thank you, lord).

Don`t forget, they are extremely jealous, if they think to be your girl-friend (could happen soon). You dare to have a look in the wrong direction, it could cost you the sleep of the whole next night. May be she even beats you, after insulting, crying and, and, and...


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The following is the garota's response. This girl "works", goes to school, and is one of the girls in Rio with a head on her shoulders. Here's her response to the German dude. Notice how good her English is. Also notice how she references "poor girls" and "working girls" as one-and-the-same.



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My view??
Man, why do you always ask me tough questions?! LOL!

You know I don't like to generalize. I agree with some of the comments he's
written, but not everything....unfortunately, there are good and bad
"garotas" everywhere, and good and bad gringos as well.
The point is: Why has he chosen to marry a garota, when he could have
married a non-working girl?
Why was he searching for beautiful/ "unbeatable"/ sexy/ hot girls, being
AWARE that they were *working*, instead of looking for ordinary (maybe not
poor) girls?
My question here:
Why do men judge women basically for the physical appearance (u know what
I'm talking about, specially if you think about communication challenge!),
and complain if women judge them for the $upport given?! Different
interests, but still interests (or needs) anyway!!

I do believe in true love. But, in my case, I know that I can't "afford"
falling in love at this moment, I mean, I can't stop working in spite of
having a relationship!
I believe the same problem applies to other girls who are sweet, romantic,
etc etc (and possibly plain to get married someday) but can't stop working.

I know nobody controls love and feelings. But if the guy didn't want to be a
"sugardaddy", he shouldn't have looked for garotas, right?
Do men think all girls do programma for fun? Some do, and some don't. Next
time, he should try to marry someone like Paris Hilton!

My final thought:
It's world-wide known, latin girls are passionate, sweet, etc. No --we don't
pretend all the time-- sometimes we're lucky enough to be born with those
extra genes!!
Men are not forced to travel to different places to find women, not forced
to pay for sex, not forced to fall in love - while many girls are "forced"
to work; i.e: they charge not because they want, but because they *need* it.
Unfair, uh?
If a man, who is aware of this whole sh*t, still chooses to get married to a
´poor´ girl rather than looking for another one, he must be conscious he's
responsible for her from that moment on. It doesn't mean he's paying for her
sex or affection....but it's a way to show he cares and supports the one he
loves.

Have you ever read the famous "Little Prince" book?
"You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are
responsible for your rose..."

'nuff said.
Think about it and send me your reply!

_________________
"Don't never trust a woman, till she's dead and deep....One day she'll say she loves you, next day she'll throw you on the street."

"...and if men didn't have this unquenchable desire to have sex with women, then they wouldn't have anything to do with women at all. I certainly wouldn't..."

While I'm sure the German has his reasons for his views I think the young lady may be the more "worldly" of the two.

There are 1000 stories. While the negatives usually make a bigger impact or leave a longer lasting impression than the positives there are still exceptions to each situation.

If you take the chance you have to be aware that you might get burned. But isn't that true in any decision we make in life? There are no guarantees.

Be aware of the situation and see it for what it is. Don't lose your perspective and don't let it get out of hand.

I have been known to jump into things sometimes but fortunately I have had enough life experiences and skepticism to keep at least one eye on the big picture.

At least I hope so.

Thanks for sharing, Jazz.

Wit - Now that you've sampled "Brazilian styled' femininity, I'm sure you can appreciate the "traps" this German fellow speaks of.

Mr. T, I agree. It's not an exact science, rather it's a "crapshoot", and even the most hardened among us can fall prey to the most dangerous creature on earth; the beautiful woman.

The question the garota poses is interesting, if naive.



Of course, we know the answer to why guys get "mixed up" with beautiful, unbeatable, sexy, hot girls, who happen to "work." Because they're beautiful, unbeatable, sexy, and hot, and they're in touch with their sexuality. The ones who aren't don't do very well, and get out.

Why do we go for those girls?

There's a girl I've been with 3 times in Copa, but never done the wild thing. She's gorgeous, looks like a model, tall, slender, wears the tiniest bikini (I met her on the beach), great face, hard-working (always struggling to keep low-paying jobs), and has her sites on law school in a few years. If she was at Help, she'd go fast, but she's never and wouldn't. My point? I can't get to first base with her, even though she wants to "be" with me. I told her one night I didn't want sex, even if she did, just to make her relax. Her radar is so cued up for guys who "just want sex", that she's a basket case. She's afraid of "passionate kissing", because of where it leads, and she's apparently been hurt in the past.

Last time I put her in a cab and went to Terrace Atlantico, and scored one of those "other" girls.

That's why.

_________________
"Don't never trust a woman, till she's dead and deep....One day she'll say she loves you, next day she'll throw you on the street."

"...and if men didn't have this unquenchable desire to have sex with women, then they wouldn't have anything to do with women at all. I certainly wouldn't..."