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YO DAMN It:
Shitass, my cat, upchucked three times in the last couple of days....must be that cheap dry food I'm feeding her. I've tried several grocery brands but no luck. Guess I'll have to go check out that expensive PetSmart. What a discovery.
As I pull up to the store I noticed several hot gringas parking and entering the store....I mean HOT. Whoaaaa, old Circus may have found a whole nest of sexy gringarettes and their lair. Immediately I open the car trunk, grab the tool box and do about 30 bicep curls....okay, would you believe 10. Then a few push-ups and knee bends....anything to quickly firm up and bring out my real manhood. I pull out my shirt tail to hide my bloated belly and undo two buttons to expose the chest hairs along with the gold sharktooth necklace on my neck....quickly rub a little dirt from the back car tire and apply to my face and arm....women crave a working man type....especially one with the Circus smell. Hell, they might have engine trouble and want me to look "under their hood" he he. I slap a plug of Redman in my jaw and stroll across the lot.
As I enter the store I could smell the scent of perfume mixed in with the bird droppings. I grab a cart and begin trolling the isles. My GAWD !! Women everywhere....some with pets and some alone. I only wish the CRT guys could see Circus in action. Alas, I spot a tanned beach bunny babe about 105 lbs with 2 feet of flowing blonde hair. My special purpose awakes. I suck in my gut and pull up beside her and her dog on a lease. "Yo Fox, what a pedigree looking Georgia Bull dog you have. How old is he?" No answer. Hmmmm, maybe a little humor will work. "Hello lady, are you taking your little guy shopping or is he taking you, ha ha. "Phuck OFF you ugly fat stench breath....my dog is a SHE and is a Pit Bull. Suddenly the 4 legged man eater grabs my cart wheel and knaws it off then goes for my foot....I quickly run down the isle. Shit, what a bitchita....both of them. Hell, no problema, old Circus is just warming up. Then I spot a CHICA looking girl with jet black hair and PECHOS GRANDES. "hola, senorita, como esta. Usted vive por aqui?" I could tell I scored with my silver linquistic tongue. "What did you say?" she replied. "Habla espanol?" I smoothly replied. "Habla MY ASS you half breed disgusting looking bum. Leave me alone or I'll call security." Geezzz, these women are mean. Okay, okay....just a few bad peaches in this barrel. Shit, I forgot what I was here for.
Got to change my tactics. I decide to visit the pet grooming room. Wow!! I spot a real fox grooming a Persian cat as she sang and danced about. "Nice stepping there little lady... you sure can shake it. Care to go out dancing some night?" "YOU CREEP !! If I wanted to dance with some fart as old as you I would take my grand father with me." The cat on the stool hissed as I hobbled away whimpering like a spanked pooch. Damn, this pet store mongering is hard work. One would think he could find sex with all this poon-tang herding around here. OUCH....something hit me from behind and I felt these huge paws grab my shoulders and the hot foul breath and tongue on my neck. It's a GREAT DANE and he's attacking me. A woman yells out "Come here baby, leave the old man alone." BABY MY ASS. Now the huge mutt is humping my thigh and right ass cheek....this is not the sex old Circus was looking for. Geezzz, I hope his aim is off. "Get this damn dog off me lady !!" The beast suddenly goes limp and falls on the floor as I feel something real sticky on the back of my leg. Oh Geezzz, how demeaning, a damn dog having his way with me. The lady looks at me in disgust as I wipe the goo off my leg....as I look up about 12 gringas are giggling and pointing fingers at me...Oh the humanity.
Not many men could grit it out like old Circus and I'm not the type that gives up easily. After going outside to the car I re-enter the store and head over to the bird cages....lots of good looking babes have birds so maybe that's where to cruise. Wow, birds of all kinds and sizes....damn, look at the price on that big parrot, $3,000, No way jose would I fork out that. Then, an Oriental fox with long straight hair walks up and talks with the parrot. Ah Ha, old Circus is going to impress this pretty little fortune cookie. In my manly voice I announce, "I think I will buy this exotic bird...the price is reasonable." "Oh so nice, sir. The parrot belongs to me" she replies. Old Circus moves in for the kill. Briskly I pull out a chunk of Redman and flip a chunk into the cage....."Let's see how macho that big bird is, Sweetie." "NO, no mister. No do that, make bird sick." she pleads. All of a sudden the parrot grabs the tobacco with his beak and swallows.......Aughhhhh, gogglllll, aughhh he gargled and then started shaking....then he falls off the perch and lands with his claws sticking up. Oh shit, the damn bird choked to death. The lady screams then karate chops me across the throat and knees me in the groin......severl people yell for security. Minutes later the police arrive and handcuff me as they lead me to the squad car. "Officer, it was all a mistake....I didn't mean to kill the bird.... Seriously." As he threw me into the backseat the cop yells, "What in hell were you in the store for, you CREEP?" "I was looking for sex, it's lonely here in the Pits of Jax." "Yea right!! Like groping several women and their pets, having sex with a Great Dane and choking a parrot.....you maggot. We have a few fellows in the cell block that will enjoy your company."
Oh geezzzz. Guess I won't be going to the Halloween party in SJ now. Perhaps I can get the CRT gang to post my bail.....yea right. Maybe my piss ass son will bail me out....NOT. Damn, just when I think I've dug a hole too deep for myself....someone throws me another shovel. I'm just pitiful.
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Damn if I'm going to repeat this shit again. I need a drink.
I've been drinking vodka every day for 45 years and I have certainly never found it to be habit forming.
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HAVE A GREAT LAY 
