www.CostaRicaTicas.com

(note this is a satire)
Dear Paco,

I have a friend, lets call him "Latinofrio". I am worried about him because after each payday he runs to Western union to send money to a plethora of girls. All the girls really like him, because he actually pays them NOT to have sex with him. I am worried he may have bowel problems because his nickname "shitbrick" was given because he wont take a dump in public. Also, while he is afraid of hotel towels, he gets on all 4s to clean hotel bathroom floors, and then even eats things off busy public bar floors. Should I be worried about him?

Dear Handy-man,
You must convince your friend Latinofrio not to send chicas dinero via Western Union, he will upset the delicate economic balance of the free trade market and will cause the providers to get gorda and lazy.
He pays them NOT to have sex? I have heard rumors of some strange Gringo down there that tells the chicas "I just want to be held," could this be your friend? Obviously he did not recieve enough love as a boy-child and has some serious issues which may require the help of a professional, (like Astro.)
His fear of public toilets and hotel towels also must stem from some traumatic childhood experience. My guess is his mother dressed him in girls clothes, he played with dolls growing up, his mother always took him in the ladies restroom when he was but a wee lad and when he was a bad little Latinofrio she probably smacked his ass with one of their wet Holiday Inn towels that they had stolen on vacation. You can see how confused he must be. (This might also explain his behavior in Morazan Park on New Year's Eve.)
His confused gender-tendencies would explain his germaphobe complex, and eating off the floor is normal for someone that was raised by wolves for one summer when they left him "home alone."
I would not worry about him, he is simply trying to "find himself" in the chaos of the gulch. Let's just hope he doesn't find himself while in the park at midnight with his "new friends"...

_________________

Living well is the best revenge
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwUtj_YnNoY

Thnak you for the advice. Maybe his friend Showehead and I can call for a code red when we are all in town.

There is no shame in seeking mental help when there is a need. Reading the above post I think there is a need.
Lee

ok

Obviously you guys are bored at home but it damn sure is humorous to cure my boredom .rbc100

_________________
In Search of Fine Kittens,
Please... Bring back the Muff

Dear Paco,

I dont think my friend wants to be help, because they have germs. I think in his imagination he is some porn stud, and he pays women well to say he is good in bed. I am also afraid to spend time with him, because he was complimenting a womans ass on NY eve ... but she was really a guy. I think when he was younger he must have been a wide receiver, because he talks a good game. I will try to help him though.

I also have a friend names "Straightedge". I think he feels his blade is jagged, but I disagree. Like watching Sesame Street, is it normal for a guy to talk so much about different hot girls, but you never see them? Also I was worried for him since I was translating so much for him, I thought he may need me in the same room behind a blind to tell him what to do next.

Thank you for any more advice

Dear Paco

I have a serious problem........

I can't stop rolling around on the floor and laughing my ass off.


P.S ...do your girlfriends have any more sisters ? me so horney

_________________
" I have neither the time nor the inclination to expain myself "

Y0U BOYS ARE NOT RIGHT !!!
It's time for some professional group therapy !
Capt.

ok

Having seen "Straightedge" in his matching underwear outfit, a better name would be "Raggededge" and I agree- you should be concerned about this friend. He claimed to have a "hot" chica in his room that day but I did not see one anywhere, just the maids trying to get in there to clean up God knows what. Maybe he has something going on with the maids at the Presidente.

He appears to be a hopeless romantic, and ironically he is pretty hopeless with his non-existent spanish. I suggest you send him some Pimsluer CDs, a do not disturb sign, and teach him some key phrases like, "la cuenta por favor," "Cien?, No intiendo," and "Necesito condón más pequeño."
And remember, it was only his 2nd trip, he will get better. But he needs to stay away from my chicas older sister, she is a bad influence and only wants his dinero.

_________________

Living well is the best revenge
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwUtj_YnNoY

Thank you Paco. As always your assistance is appreciated. I do have another friend "intermediate". He thinks he is one step below but I disagree. He does a good job wearing the gals down, but he skips spanish class, and I fear he has hooked up with Glenn Close. Will my pet bunny be safe if I rent a home with him? He also has a Popeye complex, and really likes Olive oil types .. what should I do

Getting a house with Novice, I mean "Intermediate" would be risky business with his Fatal-Attraction psycho novia. I hope you like rabbit soup. (Hide the sharp knives)
He was probably skipping spanish class to study Hebrew and learn how to tell her to "Get phucking lost" in her native language. I knew she was trouble when he said the owner of the B&B at the beach would not let her into his room, he had to have sex with her out on the porch. (and the guests thought all the noise was a howler monkey.)
Last I saw he was in love with "Stinky" from the DR, they were making out like teenagers at the "gay cafe." Now he has moved on to Olive Oil?
His taste in women has no rhyme or reason, he is all over the map.
I suggest you stock up on spinach when you get the house, he'll need the energy to keep it up for Olive Oil. And he'd better hope Glenn Close and Bluto don't show up at the same time...

_________________

Living well is the best revenge
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwUtj_YnNoY

Oh No You Don’t, you guys are Not dragging me into this craziness! I am the only normal one of the bunch and I have not spanked the bad dog for probably a couple weeks. And you leave Popeye out of this - if Olive Oil if good enough for my childhood hero she is good enough for me any more than a handful is a waste. Glen Close is another story sure a ‘fem fatal’ but I liked the fact that I didn’t have to cook. If she finds the apartment we’ll just have to stock up on rabbits and monkeys. Now get a life you fellows…

And Sure I like a little variety what’s wrong with that - otherwise if I only see the biker lesbians they keep asking me ¿do you know Paco? And Stinky smell sweet now I bought her the large bottle of genuine Channel perfume from the street vendors. I spent like 3,000 colones so lay off it.