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YO Fornicators:
PapaNut has certainly forwarded a good list for new and experienced mongers alike. Wish I could say that old circus followed those rules but hell.....I must have broken all of them over the years. Yeah, I've mellowed a bit here in my senior years but I was once a rude, crude and just plain ugly dude in younger years. As I sit here sipping on my third, no fourth vodka martini let me point out a few DON'TS to consider in your monger trip to CR.......or anywhere for that matter.
l. DON'T.....go to CR if you recently had the following: A vasectomy; been born again; alergic to pu*sy; have a pecker 2" or smaller; only looking for a wife or....incurable crab infestation.
2. DON'T....Catch a taxi from the airport if you have a weak heart, upset stomach, no fat on your ass, no life insurance or...only ride in cars that have seatbelts that work.
3. DON'T....check into the Pres. if you hate street music, conch whistlers, stalled elevators, people dancing on floor tiles at 2am OR...beds that have been phucked in.
4. DON'T....Check into the Marozan if you hate the name "Soprano", think you really have a reservation, like hotel food OR....never sleep in beds that have been phucked in.
5. DON'T....Check into the Del Rey if you are accompied by a blow up rubber doll (they are banned now, thanks to me)...Don't rent the balcony suites if you are alergic to pigeon shit or right after Hornswoggler and crew trashed the place OR....can never sleep in a bed that every imaginable sex was performed.
6. DON'T....go to the BM if you are looking for gay sex, have a 2" or less pecker, only speak to women who are members of Mensa, always carry a bible with you, strictly looking for a virgin, alergic to mongers, looking for cheapest drinks in SJ OR....think that the BM is still a fisherman's watering hole.
7. DON'T.....take a woman back to your room if she has bug tattoos that are moving, she has a credit card scanner on her belt, she wants her gay boyfriend in a threesome, she has a doll with pins stuck in it, she looks like your wife, she was born after l987, she hates gringos OR...she just recently had sex with Circus.....yeah, right.
8. DON'T....go to massage parlors if you just won the lottery....have them come to you. Don't pick up the bar tab at Idems unless you did win the lottery....never pick a chica that does not brush & floss her teeth (in Dman's case) flosses his also....don't reserve the massage room at the top of the spiral stairway at Zona Blues.
9. DON'T....confuse an out of body experience with your inability to keep it in....note: some viginas have a long history of monger exploration....does Lucy come to mind.
10. Finally, DON'T post a trip report if you have to type with one hand due to jacking off with the other.....you returned much too soon. DON'T think you have been where no man has gone before.....Easy, Dino V-Bob, Gman, Dman and the noted DG....have already been there.
P.S. Don't waste time reading this shit unless you have something to add.
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Damn if I'm going to repeat this shit again. I need a drink.
I've been drinking vodka every day for 45 years and I have certainly never found it to be habit forming.
Last edited by Circus on Sat May 08, 2004 6:25 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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