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This is from the Friday edition of A.M. Costa Rica :
Even being sexy is up for debate in a land Kafka would appreciate
By the A.M. Costa Rica humor staff
A few of my former students arrived, a bottle of really good whiskey in hand.
So naturally the talk turned to the local culture. They were somewhat astounded when I said that in some quarters I was considered extraordinarily sexy.
"No offense, Professor, but you're old and fat," said the television anchor, brushing back his artificially colored blond hair and smiling with his store-bought teeth.
"Santa Claus, maybe, but not sexy," said the 25-year-old triathlon champ.
"That's the dumbest thing I ever heard you say," said the new lawyer who holds a weightlifting title.
"But the professor always is correct," I pointed out, adding that things in Costa Rica are not exactly what they were used to up north. I offered to show them.
As we entered the bar of the hotel whose name sounds a lot like "Del Rey," if you pronounce it quickly, they were further astounded to see all the old, fat, gray men surrounded by beautiful women from both hemispheres.
"You see," I explained, "No one really likes being a professional gal. All these beautiful women are seeking a really rich guy to take them away from all this. Better a really rich guy with a bad heart. Anna Nicole Smith is like their goddess," said I, referring to the ex-Playmate of the Year who married a really,
sexy old man
really rich octogenarian who conveniently died quickly.
The lesson was brought forcefully home by the several young ladies who seemed captivated by my fallen chest and asthma-induced wheeze. My guests flexed their muscles, and the TV guy put on his on-camera face and voice.
"Yes, I know Steven Spielberg," he said to one lass in a deep, deep voice. It had no effect. She was more interested if I had life insurance.
All was going well, but then the mood was broken. A much older man shuffled into the bar wheeling one of those little oxygen tanks that was connected to a mask strapped to his face.
Sometimes even the very sexy cannot compete with Mr. Universe and his double wheeze.
— Jay Brodell
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If Its Wet And Moving Underneath Me, I'm Having Fun
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"Two things are wanted by a true man, danger and play -- therefore, he seeks a woman as the most dangerous toy." Friedrich Nietzsche
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