www.CostaRicaTicas.com

My experience has been that when you find a woman of quality and class...it is not that difficult to put hookers and strip dancers out of your mind. Maybe thats just me...but at the same time...you still appreciate the pure beauty and entertainment value of the afore mentioned. I think you guys are getting too "spiritual" about all this ...

Dapanz,

Why must it be destructive?

I've often wondered why none of us seem to be able to take an honest enough inventory of ourselves, so that we truly know what we need and want.

Are there not among us at least a few guys who simply enjoy the pleasures without all the nonsense: self-recrimination, head games, moral dilemas and the like.

Is there not even one of us who could follow a life of hedonism, keeping health, head and heart in good shape? One who understands that Costa Rica chicas are simply another enjoyable treat, as television and bowling, Nascar and tobacco were intended to be?

Is there not even one lousy whoremongericulturis-LAL-G-Frekin-E-player among us who can strike a balance, as with all vices, habits and simple pleasures?

I believe fundamentally, because I was raised in capatalism that anything I do to bring money into an economy benefits that economy and the people living within it. After months of soul-searching and prayer, I've come to the conclusion that the drugs, alcohol, night schedule, danger of S.T.I. and violence attendant to The Life are not my problem; the woman can just as easily spend my contribution on food, shelter, health care, education, transportation or otherwise supporting her family.


Do I feel guilty about what happens to their hearts and heads? I am, but only to the degree that i can affect. I treat everyone as valuable human beings, worthy of my time, attention and care.

Will I ever find love, real love in the world outside Gringo Gulch? Of course!

Love comes in a variety of flavors; I can fully love my life partner, my lover, my K*ds and my friends, and still play with the chicas, simply because like many other potentially-addicting things...it's fun, good exercise, beneficial to my head in terms of alleviating possible sexual regrets and building self-confidence. The Life gives me alternatives to beating myself up over the someones I was neither rich, handsome, young, fit or cool enough to score.

In short, I don't see a downside, if one understands that this is a powerful pleasure and a real recreation, but like anything addictive, unless kept in check and perspective, it can harm you.

_________________
Pura Vulva! Wandering through the dark, I am El Ciego.

First off let me say this probably one of the more 'healthy' discussions I've seen on the subject so I couldn't resist offering my 2 cents (which is probably more than most would be willing to pay).

While I respectfully acknowledge your opinion Ruff, I have to disagree to an extent. I don't view or associate mongering/prostitution with deception at all. I view it as a form of entertainment. IMHO, the girls are entertainers and thats what I pay them for. To assume deception on their part implies a knowledge of motive when really only one motive can be known for sure: money. Hell, I work for that everyday. Am I being lied to when I get winked at or kissed on the neck? I don't think so because I have a full knowledge of where I'm at and I know that's part of the entertainment factor. It's a dangerous thing to confuse sex and love.

The difficulty in reckoning such ideas stems from the fact that many (if not all) of us have had past relationships that have gone horribly sour and hence we blame-shift so as to not become emotionally attached to the working girls. The more you forget the gulch is "entertainment" the more likely you are to fall prey to such a mentality.

Of course, none of us could be blamed (or should blame ourselves) for becoming emotionally involved. It's extremely hard when you are lonely to not become emotionally attached to the beautiful tica that you're phucking. Walk into the gulch like you are walking into a theatre (and it really is 'theatre of the mind'). When you leave, realize it was great entertainment and nothing else or else you're playing russian roulette with your mind and your wallet.

Is a relationship possible with a working girl? I highly think that depends on what the girl thinks of herself and her occupation. If she absolutely despises herself for what she does, she's not very likely to think highly of you (regardless of your charm).

It's true I'm a monger (oh god do I love it 'Voy al infierno' ) but I make no deceptions to any of the girls. I don't offer pretenses of love/romance or make promises of money (beyond what is paid).

I suppose the ultimate question I would have to ask is would I date a working girl. That I can easily answer no. My marriage of almost 10 years ended because my wife didn't understand the concept of fidelity and hence I would have problems reconciling such in terms of a relationship with a working girl. Is it possible?? Anything is possible in Costa Rica.

To go back to the thrust of Ruff's original post for a moment - yes, perhaps a mongerer is in no better position morally as the consumer of sex than the girl is as the provider. Who are we indeed to judge them for what they do? And it doesn't make them any less worthy of being loved. But anyone who has any illusions of entering into some sort of "relationship" with these girls when the whole basis of the original interaction was financial is just kidding themselves.

And that's not the only reason it will fail. Over and above the differences in language, culture, age, etc., there's likely to be a huge disparity in socio-economic background. Most of the "working girls" come from extremely poor backgrounds, have little in the way of formal education, usually have had one or more Ch*ldren at a very early age, and simply have little concept of personal responsibility. How many times have you read on the board about girls failing to show up for pre-arranged appointments or arriving several hours late (the famous "Tica time"), etc.? This is not to devalue them in any way as human beings - many of these girls are indeed remarkably sweet individuals at heart. But know in advance what you are dealing with.

If you go into the whole mongering game with realistic expectations and play fair, there is no reason you can't enjoy it for what it is. Just remember what you are paying for is a highly entertaining service - no more, no less. If what you're really looking for, however, is a loving relationship, don't expect to find it mongering.

Isn’t the gulch all about enjoying life’s little mysteries & not about solving them? I use it as a recreational center nothing more nothing less. The nice thing about it is everybody has made their minds up on what they want to do when they come thru the door you don't have to feel guilty about anything everyone is operating on their own free will. I think we are better learning from the Ticos here don’t worry be happy! As long as we control it & it doesn’t control us we should be fine! For me I think there is a time & a place to separate love & sex, It is when you bring or find the two together in the right person that life becomes something wonderful.

I for one am not convinced that a life with a normal gringa girl is impossible. However, I've never been married and am under the belief that I do have intimacy issues with women. I'm an extremist. Either I get way too attached, and suffocate her, or I'm completely oblivious. In the latter case, I usually do like her, but manage to phuck it up and she gets tired of me. Woa... wearing my heart on my sleeve.

I'm in my mid-30s and have made 4 trips to CR and will be going 2 more times before the new year. (Is this like AA, do i get a coin after making a certain number of trips?) One thing is for certain - my outlook on the future has changed. I no longer fear being stuck single in the US with no hopes of ever getting laid other than hiring a street hooker or reeling-in a fat, dirty, snaggle-toothed slut from the smokey neighborhood bar. I can go (maybe even retire) to a beautiful place where it is legal and accepted. And, I have my choice of age, looks and personality. Sure, I'm worried about what family and friends think. As I grow older, however, I realize its not about what other people THINK. Its about how I FEEL. I'm always happy in CR.

RN - your posts are great. Have you consider a career in writing? I wish you success with your new novia, however, I suspect that you have had an epiphany and decided not to hang up the jersey.

El C,

I guess I should have been more clear about what I really meant. Yes, I do think that it can be destructive behavior. Not for everyone who participates in this hobby but for a certain percentage of those who do. Some people can drink alcohol and never be an alcoholic. But, as my friend Lee posted in another thread, bring the alcohol to the bar for "just one drink" and that poor soul is ruined. The addiction can not be controlled. Some people can smoke a joint or do a few lines of cocaine and never become a drug addict. But, put a line of cocaine in front of the addict and observe what type of control is exerted. Or how about the compulsive gambler? Most of us can go in to a casino and enjoy the experience win or lose. Go home and call it a day. How about the gambler who we leave in the casino with a pocket full of cash? How much control would we observed from this individual? Win or lose, when the day is done, they can't wait to go back. We all have demons that are constantly talking to us. (No, I'm not hearing voices. Even if I were I'm not talking back, therefore I'm not crazy. ) Some of those demons we can control and others we can not.

As for our little hobby, I compare it to the vices mentioned about. I don't know, nor do I want to guess at how many of us on this board have a problem but here is what I'll say. SOME DO!! No one and I mean NO ONE will have me believe differently. If and I mean IF you can take our hobby for what it is supposed to be, hedonism, then great. If you can come down, bang multiple chicas, go home and totally forget about it, fine. But, we all talk about the depression (we all have felt it) when we get home. The first thing we think about is, "When can I go back." I think that's a problem. When we organize our real lives around getting back to CR to do what we do, I think that is a problem. When we spend more money and emotion than we can afford, that is a problem. I'll never believe for a minute that a fair amount of men on this board have had, at some time in their lives, a very negative consequence related to our hobby. That in itself is not what concerns me. We all make mistakes and errors in judgement. What is a concern is that despite the negative consequences some of us (don't lie you guys, you know who you are) have experienced we still continue on hobbying. For me, this is the definition of destructive behavior.

I know guys who have maxed credit cards to come to CR and other places. I know guys who have missed so much work they have been terminated. Guys who have phucked up their real relationships all in the name of hobbying. Guys, be honest with yourselves for just one minute. Please, have just a moment of clarity. It has happened to YOU. But, the beat goes on. In my opinion this is destructive behavior. Well, Dapanz, I only do it to recharge my batteries. That was my theory. Here is my response to that... LOL. Batteries can only be recharged a certain amount of times before they are rendered useless.

As a side, I will never try to preach how others spend their discretionary income. (and I say discretionary wondering if it really is discretionary) That would simply be hypocritical on my part. If we want to put money into the economy, I'm sure we can find other ways to do it besides giving it to hookers. God love em all. But, I think we can be more creative. The problem is that we would NEVER donate to something unless we got something in return. I mean we aren't going down there to save the Scarlett Macaw. It's purely self serving. I'm not judging. Again, for me to judge others would be HIGHLY hypocritical. As for number of trips to CR, I'm sure I'm up there amongst the best of ya. Last count was 12 in the last 27 months. Again, we like to candy coat it but, just see it for what it really is.

Remember one of our brothers taglines. "Engaging in the hobby could be detrimental to your health." I KNOW I have struck a nerve with some of you guys. Right now you're thinking, "Damn, dude, you're talking about me."

dapanz1

_________________
Paradise= Sitting outside the Bodega in Panama City about 1 am. Drinking cool Balboas with cool friends and blazin' hot Colombianas. I want to be there..RIGHT NOW!

I agree, this is more addition than multiplication. -1+-1=-2 so two negative people together.

-1*-1=1 leaves someone completely out, hence the result is 1 and not 2, and furthermore the person left is actually now a plus? How did that happen, did he or she quit lying and cheating?

Okay... just playing on the math.



MORE SERIOUSLY - I'm 43, never married and never wanted K*ds and I like thin girls and I've been good to go in a relationship for 3 years at the most (normally 2 years). I love the thought of a relationship when I'm not in a relationship. When I'm in a relationship, I really like the thought of being single. I can't win. When I'm in a relationship, I feel like I'm on restriction (you can't go outside to play today!).

I'm going to die alone anyway, mongering or no mongering. Oooops, I'll die with my mongering friends by my side... how sweet! A memorial right here on CRT.

EVEN MORE SERIOUS - eventually as a CR resident (soon), maybe I'll be happy with a non working girl 15 years younger? I've been thinking about it. Who knows? I can't get women who are 10 years younger in the USA. Some of you guys that are 30 now, you'll know what I mean by 15 years younger soon enough. I don't want to go too young - something reasonable at least.

Interesting post by Jebapafu1 to get a great discussion going.
Good post Dapanz1- Does your hobbying cause problems in any major are of your life? If so you may be a mongerholic.
Seriously though you raise some valid points- I wouldn't consider those problems just symptoms.


Now we're talking problem, addictive behavior in spite of the consequences. I wonder about some of the new guys that come along and are soon in CR every few weeks living it up- are they still "in control"? I've said before not every man can handle all that comes with this hobby, it takes a certain mind-set, level of maturity and strong will to not only stay in control but to get away with it, especially us that live a double-life.
All things in moderation- something I took a hard look at last year, and decided to cut back from 6 trips last yr. to 4 trips this year, well it looks like I'll make 5 but hey I'm still cutting down! One big thing for me at that time was to decide how much I'd spend "vacationing" this year and stick to it, not allowing CR to interfere with other financial goals.

Funny sidenote, (to help justify my behavior) got a call from an old amigo last night who informed me he's getting divorced after 5 yrs. and she took him to the cleaners, he said he ended up with about 1/3 and is in an apartment. He had a 350k house on the water, so I'm guessing he paid roughly 100k/year to be married for 5 yrs, well looking at what I spend and what his wife looks like, by going to CR I'm getting a bargain at 1/10th the cost!

Anyway I'd never take lightly introducing someone to the hobby, it will change everything. I used to wish I'd discovered CR sooner but I now know I was not ready emotionally, mentally or financially 5-10 yrs. ago.

I see Jebapafu1 made a similar comment in another thread-
I think he may have more to tell us about this, how about it Jebapafu1, what effects will hobbying do to the average man's psyche?

And Dapanz I think it was my tag-line you were referring to which came from my old "Warning Newbies" thread. Warning: Partaking of these activities may be detrimental to your sanity.

_________________

Living well is the best revenge
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwUtj_YnNoY

I knew that.

dapanz1

_________________
Paradise= Sitting outside the Bodega in Panama City about 1 am. Drinking cool Balboas with cool friends and blazin' hot Colombianas. I want to be there..RIGHT NOW!

Just a question of curiosity. If you had an unexpected windfall of say..oh, $2000 would the 5 trips boost back up to 6?

dapanz1

_________________
Paradise= Sitting outside the Bodega in Panama City about 1 am. Drinking cool Balboas with cool friends and blazin' hot Colombianas. I want to be there..RIGHT NOW!

Dwayne,
I know EXACTLY what you are talking about.

I'm 52, recently divorced from a 33 yr old Colombiana that decided after 5 years of marriage that she wanted to have a Ch*ld.

We'll since my stance from the beginning was I wasn't going to have any K*ds this was a deal breaker. I'm trying to put together a retirement plan and it sure doesn't include having K*ds, especially at my age.

I still talk to her and see her occasionally (very little real "interaction") so who knows what the future holds.

I have had 2 dates since she moved out in January. The women who look at me with interest I have no interest in. The women I find attractive look at me like I'm their father.

What's the answer? Back to Latin America.
If I can get my telecommuting plan together I might just be in CR or Panama working in the next couple years.

In the meantime it's travel and internet porn. What a pitiful existence I've created for myself.

Such is the price we pay once we've tasted the sweet fruit of Las Latinas.

(now this is funny, as I type this I hear the garage door opening. Looks like I have a visitor)

Funny how our similarities mirror each other. I'm 51 years old and divorced 23 years. Witling's thoughts are much like mine.

LOL Wit. Your life doesnt sound so pitiful to me. Lets see...still getting it on with 33 ex Colombiana wife (Who apparently still has the garage door opener ), internet porn on a BROADband connection, and multiple trips to Adult disneyland. I really feel for you bud...

One added comment to some of the general statements above... I think alot of the dilemma many of you are feeling is based on growing up in the pressure cooker of white America, puritanical programming that I can totally relate to personally, and continued negetive stereotypes in our culture on mongering and male "predators". Shit...we've been predators since the caveman days (unless you dont believe in evolution )...hunters and thrill seekers. Unfortunately modern man has relegated all of this to some guilt complex about pleasing our lower natures and the tremendous power of "religion" on our lives has relagated sex to the purpose of procreation only. Personally, somehow, even with my fundamentalist upbringing...I never felt quilty about masterbation at the early age I started. That then led to what I believe is a healthy outlook on my sexlife and openess to trying various lifestyles...from marriage to mongering and back. It's all good if not all fulfilling all the time.

Much of this thread is based on mind games our culture, families, churches and friends have forced on our psyche. I personally believe we are who we really are when we are away from all those influences and can follow our "natural" instincts. The psyche is a powerful ally...or enemy.

Tman,

I really see it exactly like what you said also. Our up bringing or general brainwashing takes years to fully understand (at least for me anyway) Just look at the middle east where people strap the suicide bombs on so they can meet their 21 virgins waiting for them. The men that come up with these beliefs seem to be too busy preaching to strap theirs on but look how it effect’s others????

If I strap anything on it will be a condom to go play in the gulch until I explode. I see 21 Latinas in the gulch much more rewarding than the virgins these suicide guys hope to get & 1 P4P Latina in the sack is better than 21 virgins in the sky. The good thing for me is I have a return ticket but the suicide guys they only get a one way ticket.

I live by simple rules to be nice & do unto others & hope for the best & try & not hurt people but I don’t let others make me feel guilty about what no one has yet to prove. I have more faith in my common logical sense than I do about other men preaching their BS about what they think right & wrong is? I thing many men can not shake the puritan upbringing that plagues us which makes me believe these men should not be playing with condoms in the gulch. This deal is not for the weak overly soft types it will simply consume them. The Ticos that I know don’t seem to have a lot of trouble with this but look how they are raised it is different than us. I see many of them in church helping others out & then they are busy doing the wife, maid & secretary thru the week & they don’t seem to get hung up on this from what I see.

It looks too me like many men in the US of A have become use to crawling around on all fours, nursing their Prozac bottles to try to deal with the guilt trip that this puritanical society & the women have put on them for having a normal libido & a truly functioning DICKK!

Wilt you want to see a pitiful life you should see my married buds crawling around on all fours as their wife beats them into submission telling them their new antidepressant isn't working & this guy is in so deep he doesn't know how he will ever get out & guess what she knows it!

Sorry I didn’t mean to get spiritual?