www.CostaRicaTicas.com

There is one thing I take issue with that I have heard repeated ad infinitum on this board and within this post. This is the idea that women make out better in a divorce than men. The number of studies on this is massive and the conclusions are unanimous. Men do better post-divorce than women. Below is one of many many links on this subject:

http://www.utexas.edu/lbj/faculty/angel/PAA_03_web.pdf

Now, I'm sure there are exceptions. Members who complain about their particular situation may be totally right in their own cases. But those who come out on the short end of the stick are in the minority, all in all, and since we are speaking of marriage in general, the idea that women (in general) divorce and make out like thieves and the poor men are reduced to panhandling is just not case, statistically.

Before you get out your flamethrowers, I must add that I am a lifelong bachelor with no Ch*ldren and never felt the need to be married or even live with a woman.

_________________
"The only normal people are those you don't know very well." Joe Ancis

Bilko,

I applaud your post as you have the "bravery" to come out to this group and point what you did out.

Have a Great Day,

Dave

Dave:



This discussion has certainly caught a lot of folk's attention. I hear the general sentiment, that marriage is different than long-term relationships, and that long-term relationships are in our best interest. The problem of course is, for the most part, marriage is in the woman's best interest. Many women won't go along with a LTR arrangement, sans wedding bells.

Dave, I find the above a remarkable statement. I disagree with the basic premise and just about every aspect of it.

1.) Women do want sex as much or more than men
2.) What "ignites" a woman's desire is different than for men
3.) What do "God given thoughts" have to do with it?
4.) When a woman regards sex as something she "has to do," she needs therapy. Her better half may share some blame, as well.
5.) As I mentioned earlier, gringa society is "repressed" society, the same society I grew up in. I enjoy the girls in Rio, program and non's alike, because they are not a product of the puritanical bullshit spewed by parents, teachers and clergy in our society. That is basic to my appreciation of Latinas.

I have no issue with guys who want to be married. There's a cost associated with it, but if the statitics are correct, it may extend your life. I wanted to be married for most of my adult life, and was. As Zip said, most guys eventually want something more real. Perhaps non-conventional approaches such as yours are the way to go. One thing is certain; status quo marriages of the past are flawed. Holywood in the '30's and '40's really did a number on our society's collective head.

I don't have to tell you I'm a pretty hopeless romantic. For now, though, the "promise" of what's around the next corner is more sustaining than taking the plunge. If I do marry again, it will be to a Latina.

_________________
"Don't never trust a woman, till she's dead and deep....One day she'll say she loves you, next day she'll throw you on the street."

"...and if men didn't have this unquenchable desire to have sex with women, then they wouldn't have anything to do with women at all. I certainly wouldn't..."

Nice stuff Zippy, a few responses

A counter to that is women mature emotionally a lot faster than men, so they say! I remember some report where a guy in his 50s asked a 20 yr old chica why she dated men much older than her. Her reply was somthing like, 'los hombres jovenes ya estan en sus pañales!' (young men are still in their diapers!).

Actually I think that there are stats out there to back it up, that 'happily' married folks live the longest.
A most important point, and two male experts on relationships come to mind here - one is John Gray, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. His concept that men talk and think from the point of view of 'problem solving' whereas women talk just to vent their stress has been a revelation. Women often get upset when you offer a solution to a problem that they're expressing when all they wanted was an ear to listen and a small hug. This alone has saved my ass countless number of times.

Another cat is David Deida, one of his best pieces of advice was to praise your lady at least once daily, no matter how small or insignificant it is, it will feed her deeply. Sometimes I just can't but when I do, it reaps great benefit. He has a lot of stuff to say, friends have gone to his workshops, interesting stuff, has a website.
I got married later in life, post 35 yrs and still had a lot to learn, but it helped immensely. God knows the mess if I tied the knot in my early 20s.

Amen brother, the incidence of obesity in this country is epidemic. Strangely enough mongering has been an additional inspiration to work out and get in better shape, thought it doesn't seem to matter too much in P4P. But I may be going through andropause.

This is going to change drastically in the future...women are significantly outnumbering men in college and universities and will probably result in reversing the breadwinner tradition. (though what Bilko stated really surprises me - I've never been divorced and just listened to a lot of guys moan about their settlements).

You will definitely have to show me studies to prove the opinions above. Whether you like it or not, women do not look at sex even remotely like we do. Many, many, countless books go into this subject. That is just nonsense to say that women overall want sex the same or more. Why in the world would so many men be here complaining about cross the board gringas not being interested in sex?

Anyway, we will definitely have to agree to disagree. But, in fairness to you, I will be glad to review any studies that you show me. I have this boards bashing of gringas and the belief that gringas just use sex to get things. Please show me your proof.

Have a Great Day,

Dave

Anyway

The key appears to be how men and women are affected differently by stress. Men regard sex as a "stress buster," whereas women can't get into sex when they have a lot on their mind. Stress causes an increase in cortisol and a reduction of testosterone, a bad combination for women who have about a 20th of the amount of testosterone in their blood as men.

It's often inferred that marriage is bad for sex. It's probably more acurate to say stress is bad for sex, especially for women, and marriage certainly can be stressful. But a woman who's not got a lot on her mind, like when you take her on vacation, can be as much or more of a sexual animal as men. And if you factor in a woman's capacity for sex, there's no comparison to her superiority.

Here's an interesting article that goes into this more.

http://lifestyle.msn.com/Relationships/ ... ntid=87161

_________________
"Don't never trust a woman, till she's dead and deep....One day she'll say she loves you, next day she'll throw you on the street."

"...and if men didn't have this unquenchable desire to have sex with women, then they wouldn't have anything to do with women at all. I certainly wouldn't..."

The study seems to promote my theory that females have a desire that is much less than males. Blame it on genetics or as the article is trying to make a distinction on stress but the result is that women have less of a desire. We are talking about desire not causation here.

I don't believe many on this board would suggest that women have the same sex drive but it is us men that stress them out of it. Or that the fact that stress causes them to lose their interest when we men rarely allow that to happen.

Afraid I am still waiting for any article that articulates that women have the same or greater sex drive than men. Especially, I bet you cannot find such an article on women over, say, 30 or 40?

Have a Great Day,

Dave

This is anecdotal, not a study, but in my distant past I had a few girlfriends who were older than I was, by 4 to 8 years, and I found that they wanted sex more often than I did once the relationship got past the first month or so. I attribute it to the fact that I was getting bored with the same old same old while they were getting 'comfortable' with me. I know women who complain about not getting laid, but when I say 'there are always men who are ready to have sex, why not just go to a bar and take care of it?' they reply 'I don't want THAT kind of sex!' What they want is sex in the context of a relationship.

That seems crazy to most men, who will schtump any willing female when they are horny enough. The socio-biological explanation is pretty well known, but for those who haven't heard that term, it's just that males have plenty of sperm and can afford to spend like a drunken sailor, whereas women get just one egg per month (more or less) and have to be careful with it, choose a good partner, etc. etc.

Under the right circumstances women can be as sexual as men, but those circumstances are rare.

_________________
"The only normal people are those you don't know very well." Joe Ancis

[quote="Prolijo"] But why create potential legal entanglements that only serve to make it harder to get out of a hopelessly bad relationship? VERY WELL STATED

The only reason to be in a relationship (marriage or otherwise) is if if that person allows you to be who you really are. The signs will be there long before the ring goes on the finger. If the signs of 100% of support for who you are aren't there and she wants to change you, move on. In the end you will have to anyway, after much pain and possibly money.

It seems that I am in the minority, I got half of her retirement.

Health & happiness.

Santas Bro

_________________
It's not the size of the wand that put the rabbit in the hat, it's the magic in it!!!

Dave,

If women see sex as "something they have to do," as you stated, there is a problem. Your assertion seemed to suggest it's normal. The article correctly, I believe, points to stress as a "deal breaker" for women. That's why I suggested therapy may be an option, and not just for her. Men are very much in the "mix" when it comes to women's libido, and can contribute to stress, or at the least, do little to alleviate it.

In any event, I have always thought lack of sex was a bogus excuse for separation or divorce, or that great sex was a good reason to marry. Sex, it seems to me, is the tip of the iceburg. A bad attitude? A woman trying to be a guy? Inflexibility with traditional male-female roles? Unwillingness to "give" without receiving first? Those behaviors matter, and gringas, in general, come up short in the attitude department. I never knew how short until I started visiting other cultures.

Passion among Latinas is unrivaled IMHO. No shortage of female sexual desire in Rio. That, you can take to the bank.

_________________
"Don't never trust a woman, till she's dead and deep....One day she'll say she loves you, next day she'll throw you on the street."

"...and if men didn't have this unquenchable desire to have sex with women, then they wouldn't have anything to do with women at all. I certainly wouldn't..."

JM,

Sorry, but, IMHO, and many others, you are wrong. They do overall see it as a chore because there desire is low for whatever reason. Ask most of the gentlemen here and I am sure that waning interest in sex of their significant other caused the major problems in their relationship. Please read this article:

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relation ... xdrive.htm

As far as Latinas in Rio, I question your sweeping opinion as not very many individuals here have been in a relatioship with marriage and the stress effects to find out how it works with Latinas. Simply saying all the hookers have an extremely high libido when you are paying them to act that way would not be support for all the hype.

Have a Great Day,

Dave

This site clearly indicates that studies show women's libido falls after securing her mate. With all the proof that we have, why do we men continue to insist that women have a choice in whether their libido remains high or not? We men don't have a choice whether our libido is high or low. Genetics, God given thoughts/libido, call it what you want but it seems to be in the "jeans."

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4790313.stm

Have a Great Day,

Dave

Hankkh,

Why all the legal entanglements? Good answer is that we men are dogs and we need to be legally entangled for the security of the family and our offsprings. We can all probably agree that, if it wasn't for the law, a breakup would leave the female much worse off than they end up now. Earlier, a report was cited concerning females getting the worst of it in a divorce. Men fight tooth and nail in divorces now. Imagine what they would voluntarily give.

Question for you would be that, assuming you have a male or female offspring, what advice would you give them. To the male: Never get married, monger all your life, never trust female, they all suck. To the female: You are worthless. You will screw men and take their money improperly. You are a gringa and will grow fat and complacent.

After all the hyperbole on this thread, gentlemen, please tell me how you would teach the next generation.

I have taught both my HS seniors girls about my atypical relationship and hope that they follow in my footsteps.

Have a Great Day,

Dave

From my experience men & women are quite different with libido but once truly aroused by what ever means it seems to be pretty equal. That is the whole trick is to be a good arouser & you get all the action you could ever imagine ! This was tough on me when I was younger & inexperienced . I just didn't get it when a girl said No, we shouldn't, shouldn't we wait, I don't think this is a good idea, OH DON"T TOUCH THAT then sometimes things went hay-wire like DON"T, DON"T, DON"T STOP!!!!! and so on. YMMV. One thing in real life stimulations with them many are like a switch either ON or OFF ! Generally that switch is off more than on in gringalandia. The Land of High stress & GOOD EATS just seems to rearrange many synapses in the female mind !

Another observation of mine is women can be totally aroused right at the edge so to speak & they can shut it down much faster than a man & just walk away from it all much easier. It drives men crazy to NOT FINISH but be so close. Man just say the wrong thing to a woman libber when she is almost to the promised land & she just as soon slap you as to finish . Well maybe not quite that bad but they have changed on a dime sometimes. One thing for sure is it is very wise to not get in a habit of using womens names with some dirty pillow talk. Has anyone here ever said the wrong name under these extreme conditions ? It usually has a less than favorable out cumm!

With so many women it is like so many men we are all wired so different with our desires. At least in these countries where the kidds are not hammered into submission by scaring the hell out of them about how evil sex & human reproduction can be, This does help the female arousal points with being less inhibited. It lets them flower into what works for them much easier. The bottom line is we pay them & they do not pay us for this act.

Philo, I wanted to touch on this point he made as I feel it maybe the best single benefit we get out of all this. It has been the same for me & many others. Mongering just started out as a quick release to me & rather a big joke. Now strangely enough it has had so many positive side effects of keeping it all together so to speak. It helps one believe in himself more & puts that spring back in your step til the day we die I hope .

More reason to keep in shape now than ever even though one does not have to to get all the p$P action they can handle. It is what we get out of it for ourselves that is far more important. Sex is 10 times more fun if one is athletic to a degree over being a couch potato.

_________________
"Run silent, run deep"
Spunk glazed Chicas are the building blocks of the universe!

Dave -



Low sex desire is a symptom. It's not "normal." From my personal experience having been married twice to gringas, totaling over 25 years, that was not my experience, and our divorces had nothing to do with the bedroom. If anything, I tired from sex before them. I admit my spouses fell outside the "gringa norm" in many ways, and both my wives had low stress levels.



Poor libido is almost always the result of hormonal imbalances and/or deficits. Stress, especially in women, affects these hormones negatively. Anger is another deal breaker. The good news is sexual dysfunction is curable. The bad news is you're still left with all the other shit gringas have at their disposal if you phuck up, including the courts.



Trust me, if I could find "hookers" in the ol' U.S. of a comparable nature -as in, sexually on fire - I wouldn't go anywhere. And that says nothing of the semi's here, which at times appears to include the rest of the female population. And then there are the non's, who are also sexual dynamos. I've had a lot of experience with American women. This is not smoke and mirrors. It's real because of a myriad of factors, addressed in numerous threads on this board.

To get back on topic, there really is no good reason for marriage when K*ds are not an issue. But who says you need a good reason? There's something to be said for spontaneity in life, too. It still comes back to, "Do what makes you happy!"

_________________
"Don't never trust a woman, till she's dead and deep....One day she'll say she loves you, next day she'll throw you on the street."

"...and if men didn't have this unquenchable desire to have sex with women, then they wouldn't have anything to do with women at all. I certainly wouldn't..."