Prolijo wrote:
I'd say if you're just planning to date non-pro chicas in the US and have fun with them for however long it lasts like kickstand is doing now then any amount of time is a success...
...Getting back to kickstand's question, as to what sorts of gringo-chica relationships qualify as chancey under those circumstances (marriage and K*ds), I'd say all of them. The fact that many 40-50 year old gringos do not stay married to their 40-50 year old gringas either is no great argument in favor of multi-cultural, multi-generational, multi-socioeconomic and educational background marriages. It just means that the odds for those "mixed-marriages" are probably even worse. And its not JUST about whether they come out of a P4P background although that DOES make matters even worse still. It is also a problem with a non-pro who is much much younger than you, came of age at a different time and so has generational as well as age differences, is much more poorly educated, comes from a totally foreign culture with different values regardless of whether they're the same age as you or not, and the fact that they come out of poverty and are probably primarily drawn to you more for the material things you can provide rather than any real deep emotional commitment (and you're most likely drawn to her for her youth and beauty that will ultimately fade). Like BB said this doesn't mean that it can NEVER work or that it doesn't often work in the short-term, but it does mean that the dice are definitely stacked against you for anything more than a few years of wedded bliss. Even more so than for marriages between a gringo and gringa with similar ages and backgrounds...
...BTW, seeking out young good-looking chicas from wealthier better educated backgrounds is not the answer either because in most cases such chicas don't have to (or want to) marry a guy who is so much older than them no matter how much money he has (unless he's filthy rich, but again what sort of basis is that for a healthy relationship). The idea that in the latin culture chicas prefer older men is a myth or at least highly exaggerated. Sure they may not mind it as much as young gringas, they may even prefer guys who are slightly older (e.g. 10-15 years perhaps but rarely more than 20). No chica ever dreams of marrying some guy that is old enough to be their father. Absent a huge financial incentive, tolerance for age differences will usually only take you so far.
Well, this is my 100th post or 1/10th of a CRT PhD. I doubt that I'll ever get to 1000, but who knows?
Prolijo, your post deserves a response. It was certainly thorough. I agree with some of it, but there are parts I'm not so sure about.
First of all I assume that when you say chica-gringo relationships, you are using 'chica' to mean Latina and possibly also other non-gringas from the Third World. You are also assuming a substantial age gap in most cases.
What it seems that you are really saying though is that gringos have almost no chance of a successful relationship with a woman who is not the 'girl next door'. Someone who is exactly like us in terms of age, culture, ethnicity, socio-economic background, education, etc.
In many cases, you are probably correct, but what a boring world it would be if that was the only road to successful relationships!
For the past several years, I haven't wanted to be involved in any sort of serious relationship. I discovered that places like Costa Rica were great for no-strings-attached chicas. I didn't travel only for the chicas but added them into trips (work or vacation) whenever I could.
I've even managed to spend a good amount of time off the clock with chicas in several countries. In Costa Rica that included MP chicas and SL/DR/KL chicas. Like I said, fun to hang out with but no strings.
As a consequence of this, I really didn't bother much at all with gringas. I just ignored them in bars and clubs in the U.S. At the same time, in places like Costa Rica, I developed a lot more confidence and game in talking with the chicas. I'm not sure if confidence or game are the right words though. Maybe it's just the assumption that any chica I talk with could be interested in me even though I'm pretty average all the way around. That was something I never thought about before going to places like Costa Rica.
I've used that knowledge here at home recently, and it's worked great. I'll chat with any woman in a bar or club or wherever. If she's interesting I'll get her info, if not I won't even bother asking. It's funny that some of the pretty ones who I don't find that interesting will volunteer their info to me.
In my situation, I have between 10 and 15 years on my FWBs (friends with benefits) Latinas here in the U.S. I didn't choose this path since the worsening economy has left me unable get away from my job to travel like in the past. But it's worked out well so far. I still don't want a serious relationship yet. Maybe someday I'll be ready for that. However I hope I'm not limited to the 'gringa next door'...
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