www.CostaRicaTicas.com

Bilko,

God bless you. I'm laughing my ass off...

Here are some of mine:

The Del Rey bartenders are all single, loyal and marriage-minded women. If you want a serious relationship CR, they are your best bet. If you buy them a bottle of DOM to share, they take it as a signal, that you are ready to settle down into a something much more serious.

If you really want to get a HOT chica, go to Key Largo and show them your Fred Astaire dancing skills. They especially like fat guys, sporting loud Hawaiian shirts, white sneakers and neatly pressed dockers that are hiked sky high. She will drop dead in amazement if you can dance without looking like Robocop. If you spin her around the dance floor, with gringo fluid grace, you might even get a discount.

The working girls all think that Americans are super smart, because we have money and better schools. They never laugh at us behind our backs - or - blatantly say bad shit about us in Spanish in front of our faces.

If you are a young guy, with tattoos, cool hair and sweat threads, the DR girls will ALL be VERY flattered. You will be most likely viewed as their night in shining armor. Not only will you get freebies. Most will likely leave their jobs for a better life with you.

Since you are a gringo, it doesn't matter if you are fat, unemployed, ugly, obnoxious or drunk. Girls EVERYWHERE in Costa Rica will be running over eachother to marry you, because their tico alternatives are even fatter, uglier, lazier and way more drunk.

The Ticos in the gulch all really love Americans. You will notice this in their "pristine" level of customer service. Taxi drivers will NEVER try to sham you for an extra buck. Waiters and waitresses deliver food and drinks at a "snappy" pace. Bar tenders always greet you with a smile and exceptionally friendly service.

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http://TipsCostaRica.com for pratical advice on living in Costa Rica.
In order to write about life, first you must live it! - E. Hemingway.

Wow, that guy's a helluva negotiator. BK, I hope you set him straight!

MG

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You ALWAYS have an option ....... "NEXT" !!!

The girls of Costa Rica are natural wiz-kids when it comes to money, finances and investment advice. I have seen many gringos wire girls money and they just sit back, relax, and watch their investments grow, grow and grow. For this service, the girls take a very small percentage as commission to help pay for school uniforms and books.

_________________
http://TipsCostaRica.com for pratical advice on living in Costa Rica.
In order to write about life, first you must live it! - E. Hemingway.

Classic stuff--idiots should not be allowed off the plane without reading and passing a quiz on this stuff. 1st annual re-posting.

jazzbocr the thread dumpster diver

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"A man accustomed to hear only the echo of his own sentiments, soon bars all the common avenues of delight, and has no part in the general gratification of mankind"--Dr. Johnson
"Amen, brother"-ED

Here are few more:

When your ex-novia or current novia suprises you, with an unexpected appearance posing on the HDR rail, don't be discouraged. She is only trying to get you jealous, because she truly loves you. All you need to do to "mend" the relationship is go to the K*D on the corner and buy her some flowers. This usually completely blows her away, because you are the first guy that has gone the extra mile to win back her heart.

Those guys who check your blood pressure or those guys that dress up in those "authentic" white and blue uniforms (with authentic badges and money boxes) and beg for money on street corners are sincerely donating the majority of their proceeds to charitable causes. They only take a small "commission" for their time and effort.

If you really want the red-carpet treatment, go to some of the super cheap tico massage parlors. Sit back, relax and enjoy un masaje con sexo... try to ignore the bird shit dripping from the ceiling and be confident that the bed sheets are clean and free of scabbies, crabs, fleas and ticks and/or man chowder.

Some of the most friendly and informative tour guides are the pirate taxi drivers that work for your hotel. For an extra tip, they can even help you find that ever-allusive non-working chica for hot romance. Be forwarned!!!! For this time only, she may ask you to pay for her time. This is ONLY because she called in sick for her regular job as a bank teller.

When a chica establishes a "connection" with you and invites you back to her house, it is simply for hospitality and cultural purposes. I no way, is her family sizing you up to estimate the appropriate amount of money you can afford to send, when she ultimately sends you that dramatic RFM email.

Your current novia, who you regularly call from the states, really misses you very much!!!! As she is consuming miles of random C*ck in all three holes or receiving buckets of facial C*m, she is sincerely only thinking of you.

(My gaawwdddd.... that last one should be censored....)

_________________
http://TipsCostaRica.com for pratical advice on living in Costa Rica.
In order to write about life, first you must live it! - E. Hemingway.

For some reason I had never read this thread before. I just read it and have been sitting here wiping tears from my eyes after reading the post that started this thread.
Well-written, and obviously by one who has served some time in the Gulch.
Thanks for brightening my day.
Pura vida!