www.CostaRicaTicas.com

Your real life question has been rewarded with responses that are real life from the folks in this forum.

The obvious has been repeated. It is your decision to make based on who you are, what you want and what you don't want ... the good and the bad of it.

In the end, when the dust settles ... assure you have done what you perceived to have made you happy. No relationship works regardless of what other seemingly priceless material elements exist if both parties or either party aren't happy. If you are unhappy, you will invariably make her unhappy in the long run ... and vice versa.

The issue of not hurting someone is tough ... once even a small piece of someone's heart is involved ... that is an impossibility. It only becomes a matter of when and to what degree of hurt will occur. Just know the longer you carry on living the "Im happy with you" lie the more hurtful the situation will become to the both of you...and if you are that caring for her ... the sooner you depart (if that is your decision) the sooner she can hate and then heal to get on with her life. But with all that being said ... maybe the true underlying thing is she isn't and that lifestyle isn't for you..but again is that just a phase or isolated feeling or is it something that you know/feel to be eternal

The grass will always be greener in some way shape or form and yes 4 years ago you walked on the grass and even picnic'd on it ... but times change ... and that San Jose feeling ... is it one of staying power with you or just memorable snapshots forever etched and forever to be tried to live up to. It's a very different existence over the long haul then what you experience now. From the outside looking in ... its very bold to toss aside a structured lifestyle of knowing your eating steak every day to hunting for a variety of delicacies. Are you essentially going from Ownership to Monthly Rental? Only you know if that fits you over the long haul.

You are contemplating between 2 totally different lives each will require its own level of committment to quarantine the other (quarantine = not getting rid of, but putting it in a place where it does not effect anything else).

You are wise enough to atleast ask the question in a forum, be wise enough to make the ultimate decision based on what you want and what you will be able to handle and what you will be able to execute.

Good Luck.

Maybe just ask yourself if what you really want is your freedom or just a bigger cage. Only you can answer that for you. Then talk with her. Maybe she would like the old you back again rather than the "caged" you. Maybe you have inhibited who you truly are to keep access to her $$. Lies, even to yourself only bring stress and pain. But, remember the old adage: Be careful what you ask for....you just might get it. Good luck my friend.

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Slut Puppy in Training

Is low self esteem a prerequisite for being a good Ho or is it a result? ;-)

Sage post by Brother LennyG. Give me a long enough leash and I could be with nearly any woman. If she's worth it and doesn't ask too many questions...Good luck in finding one of these. I'm well aware I used the word "leash"--not always a bad thing--can keep you from the more egregious excesses.

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"A man accustomed to hear only the echo of his own sentiments, soon bars all the common avenues of delight, and has no part in the general gratification of mankind"--Dr. Johnson
"Amen, brother"-ED

I decided after 18 yrs of cagedom, that freedom was too important for me. No matter how nice the leash, how long and diamond studded it could have been (which it was not), I decided to ditch the leash and the collar. Now I enjoy my freedom to the hilt. Yes there are lonely moments but these are simply drowned and entombed by endless days of bliss and joy. I made my choice, I have regrets sometimes, but not often. I live in the present, plan for the future, and learn from the past - but I never relive it.

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Man I'm living life like a great white shark swimming with minnows! It's all about panocha, great scotch, fine cigars, loud-ass rock music and speed, speed, speed - plus spending as much time as possible in paradise on earth, Costa Rica!

If you feel trapped now it will only worsen with time. Since my first trip in 2005 i have completely turned my life around. I quit drinking, started working out regular, lost 30 pounds. Im self employed, but by no means rich. Im getting dates with my old high school cheer leaders. I want to screw them so bad until I finally bedded a few. Then im lying there trying to think of a good reason to leave so i can sleep in my own bed. It wasnt as good as I thought it would be. The challenge and the hunt are over, quarry bagged, on to the next one. I dont think long relationship and true love and all the shit that comes with it are in the cards for me. good luck with your decision.

Okay..... reluctantly I'll jump in. Just like just about everyone has said, this is YOUR decision. By seeking the collective groups blessings or condemnation you are simply looking to pass the buck. I think you realize that.

A decision like this is never easy for anyone. What you find that you want today may in years to come, become the very thing you despise. I've often said we don't really live one life we live many in our life time. As a Ch*ld we live one life, dependent on our parents. Most of us can not even imagine what we will do and what we will be as we grow up. As young adults we live yet another. During that time we are free of most obligations even though most of us will struggle during this time with money issues. Then we "grow up" we settle down, we raise a family. Unfortunately, those times change too. Our eyes begin to wander. Life is passing us by and we begin to ask, "Is this really all there is to life". The answer to that is that life is YOUR life and it is what YOU make it.

I've posted on this subject before but will do it here again in hopes that it may help. The problem you face is not the real issue in my mind. The issue is that men have been psychologically castrated. We have allowed religious beliefs to trump the nature of man. If we lived in a society free from religious based, societal condemnation I am absolutely sure the family structure would be vastly different than what we see today. Most men and perhaps many women are not equipped to handle the "to death do us part" aspect of relationships when it comes to sexuality. Society calls it a lapse in character, I see it as doing what comes naturally.

My advice is to ask why it has to be one or the other? If you have needs that cannot be met by one woman (which I believe most of us do) talk about it. Under the right circumstances and conditions you may find, if she is understanding and cares for you enough, that she can be tolerant. (I've included mine in many such adventures and it has made us stronger because of it.) Sex and Love are not one in the same. The desire for sex is a biological. The search for love...Emotional. The problem is we have confused these two things. Love is not a hierarchy where this love is higher than the next and you build to you reach a pinnacle... The highest strongest love of all.... A love above all others. Love is much more like a spider's web each connection just as important as the next, each connection strengthening the whole. Good luck with your decision. Make one that YOU can live with. But remember, nothing is forever.

KenLee

Great response Ken Lee.

this is my two cents as a former teacher:

The blended family stuff doesn't work well, except maybe in the case of two widowers. If the K*ds were above the age of 5 when you met, then don't worry about the father figure stuff. They won't see you in that light. You're just the guy who sleeps with their mom. You said she had 4 K*ds, 2 of which bonded with you. Were they under the age of 5 when you started becoming a part of their life?

If so, you have a decent chance of being a father figure. Then you have a big problem. Anther male leaving. I left teaching because I was sick and tired of dealing with the detris of chaotic familes. The acting out, the various disorders, the changes. I only had so much compassion.

Make your decision with them in mind, and what the effects will be. Their is not substitute for doing the right thing when one must.

Dude - asking for life advice on a monger board ??? Not Smart. I am not dissing the many sincere answers that you have received here (from some good guys) - but would suggest that you explore this serious issue with professional help.

That being said, if you blow the whole deal off and want to burn some brain cells - you have alot of friends here willing to help (me included).

Peace,

DR

CR is always going to be there, and i would think is safe to say that it's probably the way it was on your last trip. CR is a fantasy, and unless youre planning on moving there, eventually you have to return to the real world. With that being said, and like others have pointed out already, it sounds like you have made up your mind already...just looking for an excuse to make yourself feel better, and not be the "bad guy". Just the way I see it. You might want to put it in perspective, but at the end of the day the choice is yours, and only yours. If it was me, I would loook at the whole thing and ask yourself "what's really gonna make me happy?" And you will realize you knew the answer all along.

So very true.........Could not have put it any better myself.

When that" 'til death do us part" phrase was crafted, what was the average life span? 35? 40? And with how many atomizing influences? and in a largely rural society. I think these days, term limits on marriage with mutual options to renew make much more sense. I am not saying wives should be regarded as some kind of property with few/limited rights, but modern reality needs to be recognized in this ancient form of partnership. If both parties knew they had to keep working on it and mid-term contractual termination was made a bit tougher, there might be fewer horrendous splits.

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"A man accustomed to hear only the echo of his own sentiments, soon bars all the common avenues of delight, and has no part in the general gratification of mankind"--Dr. Johnson
"Amen, brother"-ED

all i know is its hell to do both. wherever you are be there 100%. all we have is today. this is something we all have to work out with our creator.

Whoaaaaaaa! There bro! To say that it is something we have to "workout" with our creator indicates to me that there is something wrong with living. I personally don't believe that at all. If our creator, created us then we are a product of his creation and we are simply doing as we were created to do. Now if you believe it is wrong, then perhaps it is...For you.

I'd also agree that it maybe something you would need to "workout" with your significant other but no one else. The creator could care less! I find it hard to believe having sex with multiple partners and/or hookers without telling your significant other is very high on the "creators" list of priorities. This isn't the place for theological discussions so I won't go into a long philosophical debate. I'll just say this.....

The smell of flowers.
The feel of sunshine
The taste of anything sweet
The sound of laughter. Oh laughter.
Skin, smooth soft skin.
Colors.
Light. Streaming light
And the rain. Oh the rain.
Cool summer nights.
Music. The sound of music.

Oh, but that was when we were living.
Now days go on forever.
No need to rush.
Take time, make time.
Enjoy the day.
Because this is the time for living.
The bonds that once held us captive
are the very things you miss.

Running barefoot on the grass.
Sunrises. Sunsets
Dawn and dusk.
The wind. Can you feel the wind?
Fine, rich wine. The taste lingering.
The scent of a lover.
Sex, the rapture, the bliss.
Tears of joy. Tears of pain.
Ch*ldren. The innocence.

Oh, but that was when we were living.
Now days go on forever.
No need to rush.
Take time, make time.
Enjoy the day.
Because this is the time for living.
The bonds that once held us captive
are the very things you miss.

Now is the time to enjoy it all.
Live life. Love life.
Its here, its now.
Don’t let it go.
For today you are living,
Tomorrow you are not.

KenLee and I'm out.

Thanks to all the heart felt opinions from my brothers. I really do appreciate the kind thoughts.

I ended it tonight. I can't say I feel good about it, she is too good to be hurt. That being said, I was wrong for not telling her months ago.

She gave me some advice tonight, "find yourself". I think I will take that advice and hold off diving into the CR pool.

Looking forward to 2011.

Thanks again brothers for your advice.