Santas Bro wrote:
It is not what one chooses to say, but how it is said...
In virtually every case, what is said can be said in a different way that does not make others feel "less than", and still shows the passion that one feels.
I agree, SB, but I also disagree.... I can't "make others feel". I state my opinion, the reader must be responsible for his own feelings about that opinion. I may be trying for humor or to get someone to see a different perspective forcefully, but my intent is never "to offend". Unfortunately, "offended" has become the a default setting (especially for women).
Yes, it is possible to word things in such a way as to offend the least. However, I think that it is also the responsibility of the reader to
assume a good intent. When most people read, they actually hear a little inner-head "narrator" voice reading the words to them. Sometimes they fail to realize that the voice inflection and emphasis are generated in their own head and not necessarily in the mind of the author.
Take GR's comment for example. Taken at face value and with no other knowledge you might think that GR dislikes Costa Rica, if you don't assume that he has a good intent. Knowing GR, and knowing that he has made many trips to Costa Rica I know that GR likes Costa Rica a lot, compared to LA. As compared to Rio, not so much. His point was that he is still completely taken with Rio and
nothing looks good to him in comparison.
When we know someone, we automatically bias toward what we believe their character to be. If SB posted something "offensive" I would assume that I had misread it or misunderstood it or that SB is having a bad day because I know Steve and I know he is a very thoughtful person who would not intentionally offend.
What I'm saying is that, while I agree we as authors need to be aware that our words may be misunderstood. By the same token, as readers we need to assume that this is a discussion among friends. Berk and I may argue all day about "the money" but I know his intentions are good and he is telling it as he sees it. I will disagree with him, but that does not mean that I dislike him or think less of him or think myself superior. We just have different experiences and different perspectives. Teasing each other is just a way to add a little humor to the subject.
I think we have been programed to believe that everyone should have the right to be offended and seek redress. Anyone questioning the validity of the "offense" is criticized for "minimizing" or trying to "invalidate" hurt feelings". I just can't buy into the "I'm entitled to be offended" theory.
By assuming a good intent we negate the vast majority of "offenses" and spend a lot more time "unoffended" and not needing to be compensated, in my humble opinion.
_________________
"Your love gives me such a thrill
but your love don't pay my bills,
I NEED THE MONEY!" - John Lee Hooker
Disclaimer: The above is merely the opinion of the author unless specific scientific data is included.
Your mileage may vary.
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