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Today, I received a PM from a gentlemen asking me how I got my wife to approve of my mongering. He mentioned that he thought the answer might be appropriate to be put into a thread for others to consider. I believe that it might assist a few and be funny for others.

My first marriage ended in divorce after my having to go to sea and me returning to find out that my wife had an affair with my best friend while I was out at sea. She moved forward with a divorce even though I pleaded with her not to. I stated to her and my belief is that you do not throw away perhaps a lifetime of happiness for the indiscretion of an affair. So, from the beginning, I was acutely aware that sex and love are not the same for the sexes. Women basically equate that you must love to have sex and men know that sex can be just the act itself with no caring for the female.

Enter my present wife of 26 years. From the beginning, I expressed my feelings of the difference between men and women when it comes to the need for sex. I expressed the items in the poll that I have in another thread that sex is in a man's GENES not JEANS. I consistently, over the years, discussed with my wife the needs and how they affect men.

I requested that she give me an explanation as to why men do what they do when it comes to sex and the resulting catastrophe that normally ensues? She gradually came to understand that me mongering has nothing to do with our relationship but is just a need that is internal in me and that, for the betterment of our relationship, it is better for me to monger than it is for me to try to suppress. Much like, I would think, a parant approving of a gay son coming out of the closet instead of hiding their sexual orientation.

Our early years, mongering took a back seat because we had a busy life. Also, the heat of our marriage was amazing. Then, one day, I kidded her about other women and she quickly said that I was free to satisfy my needs as to mongering and that she understood the difference between sex for males and sex for females.

So, it came about because I was consistent from the beginning in my belief and logic that the needs we men have enable us to have sex with others and still stay commited to our significant other. I was consistent and logical in expressing my belief that we men have about the same choice of mongering, very little, than a gay/lesbian person has about their sexual orientation.

I walk the walk and talk the talk. I have expressed and had many discussions with my two 19 year old daughters. I have explained the GENE/JEAN argument and we have talked openly about their response if their significant other cheats on them. Whereas, right now, they say they would automatically divorce, tomorrow they may feel different and at least now have the knowledge that it is not black and white.

Have a Great Day,

Dave

Footnote: Following are some points, from her famale perspective, that my wife wanted to make:

1) From her standpoint, it gave her a rest from my need for sex. We still, after 26 years, have sex daily and routinely more than once a day.

2) Even with the above, I have the need to monger.

3) A happy mongering Dave is more at peace and basically a better person.

Great post, Dave. I think the key is being your nasty self from the beginning of a relationship. Why surprise your perspective spouse with what a horndog you are after you both have a vested interest? Instead, seek out the girl who is all you want and appreciates the fact that you are a freak in the sheets. They are certainly out there. It constantly amazes me that men with high sex drives or slightly kinky interests will pick Miss Sex is Okay, (ewwww) to settle down with.

I have spoken to countless men who have told me that their women would never.....without ever asking the woman or broaching the subject in any way. They don't give women a chance to be as sexual as they are, to their detriment.

For example: A friend and monger was sitting next to myself and my girl at SL. His girl is pretty young and obviously new to the game. She is never seen out in the normal spots except in his company. She dresses conservatively and only has eyes for him. He is certain that she is a fairly sheltered flower. I suggested to him that he should try a little something with his girl. He immediately said "she would never go for that". His Spanish is about as bad as mine so I asked my girl to talk to her about it. The two girls had a quick convo with many giggles, then my girl told us that his girl would be delighted! Hmmmmm...I pushed another button even deeper down the trench. He said he was absolutely sure she would never contemplate that! "She's a good girl!" Repeated the request to my girl (who is unshockable) and another quick conversation resulted in more bobbing heads and quick affirmation!

A lot of success is in the approach. What is in it for her? Will she be judged harshly if she agrees? What is the downside? Have the answers and the right attitude and you might be surprised what women will do.....

_________________
"Your love gives me such a thrill
but your love don't pay my bills,
I NEED THE MONEY!" - John Lee Hooker

Disclaimer: The above is merely the opinion of the author unless specific scientific data is included.
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Dave wrote:


In my experience, logic and women are Ch*ldren of different parents. Kudos to you for making it work, but I think it has more to do with the uniqueness of your spouse, so Kudos to her to.