Dave wrote:
IMHO, a fourth way would be to give exactly the amount that YOU feel like giving. I will give based on what I feel is the right thing at the moment. It means little to me, but may mean a lot to them.
Dave, you know I have a great deal of respect for you, your intelligence, compassion and generosity, but this is the type of area where your approach to things makes absolutely no sense to me.
Sure I do the same thing as you. I give what
I feel like giving. the difference is when I'm up HERE and they're down THERE the amount I feel like giving should always be and is always ZILCH. Let me explain why.
1) They are most likely lying about why they need the money or at the very least greatly exaggerating the reason. So why reward lying and deceit in any way? It might be another matter if I could be assured they were being completely truthful in their requests but much more often than not hustory has shown that the vast majority of these chicas are something much less than completely truthful in their requests. They will say anything they think they need to say to get us to give them the money they want. As often as not that money is sought after for money's sake itself. For them its like harvesting a crop. Even before the alleged need came up, it was always there intention or hope to be able to play your infatuation with them to their financial advantage.
BTW, they probably don't even see what they are doing as lying or if they do see anything wrong with it, because to them the end justifies the means. As gringos, we must all have money to burn and they don't. In their moral world that means we somehow owe it to them to share in our wealth whether they have done anything to deserve our largesse or not. Like you said money "means little to me, but may mean a lot to them." In your moral world, does that justify lying?
2) Even if there is much truth in their claimed reason for needing the money, WHY should they really need it? Okay, they live much more poorly than we do. So do a lot of other worthy people down there. These gals, at least most of the ones at places like the HDR (places that cater mostly to gringos) AND who are at least halfway decent looking (as I hope any chica you'd be corresponding with would be), make relatively decent money by tico standards. What do they do with it all? Most could but don't really save any of it for those rainy days. Many fritter and waste a good deal of it on things they really don't need. And to the extent they don't waste any of their earnings on frivolous things for themselves, most of the rest "waste" it on novios and/or family members who do waste what they get off these girls. Papa is usually no older than us. Let him go out and get a job and pay his own bar bills. Novio could get a job of his own too instead of just knocking up various chicas and walking away. Only little bambino is truly innocent but many chicas not making several hundred dollars a night manage to support their Babi*s. So, even if the need is "real", why would you want to underwrite someone who is so financially irresponsible? That would be like throwing money down a well.
3) A smart chica in your case would quickly learn to inflate her requests even more under the expectation that you'll probably give her something less, like the amount she really wanted to con out of you to begin with, and foolishly think that you're the one who is really controlling the exchange because you gave her something less than what you thought she was really going for.
4) Which brings me to the next reason not to give anything from back in the US. If you do it even once it only encourages even more requests. Sure you don't have to give everytime she asks. But giving to her even once, teaches her that you might give again. And then the requests will become increasingly more outlandish in their efforts to convince you to give (admittedly could happen anyway even of you don't give) and more frequent than they'd otherwise be.
5) Very often, its a numbers game for them. The need may or may not be real but they're probably sending the request for the same need to multiple gringo novios to see where it will stick. And if they get favorable results from more than one of them, oh well, that's just extra money for them.
6) Not that I've ever sent money to chicas, but I know guys that have. You'd think they'd be really appreciative of even getting part of what they ask for, but far too often they don't see it that way. They mainly seem not to understand why you didn't give them the full amount (part of that "we have money and they don't, so we should just be willing to give them whatever they want" attitude). Whatever "appreciation" comes is at least as if not much more grudging then the degree you were reluctant to give them the money in the first place. I know you are a VERY altruistic guy. Most of us aren't so altruistic. Even if we don't get some special sex out of the deal because we are so far away, we'd like to get some appreciation that would carry forward until the next time we met. Instead, by that point the previous money given is forgotten and the next RFM is waiting for us.
7) Sure we often like these girls on some emotional level and they MIGHT even like us on an emotional level as well. But if truth be told most of the appeal is lust not love. Sexual lust and physical attraction on our part towards them and lust for money on their part towards us. And thats all fine as long as either it is all kept completely out in the open as a business deal (money for sex or what ever else) or else is carefully kept hidden below the surface to preserve the
illusion of GFE (one F). If she asks for money while you're there, it destroys the illusion but at least then you can at least decide what YOU want to get for bailing them out in return. However, if OTOH it is a not so subtly done RFM while you're thousands of miles away, she has destroyed the illusion and what do you get in return? Certainly not any quid pro quo sex. Perhaps the warm feeling of helping someone you care about? But why should you really care about someone who really doesn't care about you? The RFM brought the real thing that they care about right to the surface - your wallet and not your soul. I can think of far far better targets for my generosity than to give to someone who not only doesn't really care about me but who is also willing to play upon my emotions about her to extract whatever she thinks she can. Even, most beggars on the street are at least more transparent and honest about what they're trying to get and why..
Now I usually hedge my comments and this situation is no exception. Sure, there may be some gals who:
a) really are being completely honest with you
b) really need the amount they say,
c) for the reason they claim,
d) have always saved or spent their money wisely and now find themselves in a hole through no fault of their own,
e) don't make this request lightly
f) don't normally send RFM's to you or any other gringo but now feel they absolutely have to in this one situation,
g) really appreciate any amount you could give and
h) are asking you not only because you have the money and they know you care so much about them but because you are so special to them as well.
Or maybe most but not all those qualifiers exist, but the ones that do seem to be enough. Unfortunately, far far more often few if any of those qualifiers exist and chicas who really don't care all that much about you (other than what you can do for them financially) are just playing you for your gullibility and giving in ANYTHING to it just fosters more bad behavior.
Like King Costa said (far more concisely
):
Its like drugs, just say no!
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